Second-Child Syndrome

This is how it goes with parents. We can't really help it (or at least I can't). Your first child breaks all the new ground. They are lucky. Their parents are very focused on all their milestones. Every minute is photographed, every event lives on forever.

The second child gets the short end of the stick. Their events are celebrated, but... well sometimes the camera doesn't even come out.

What about the third child? Well, that depends. If it is the last child, then the get all the "Last Time" interest. "Oh, this is the last time one of our babies starts kindergarten." So, they don't get completely left out. However, they still get ignored for some things.

Now, just to complicate things, put those last two birth days two days apart. That is the situation in our house.

This year, #2 wanted a big party with lots of friends. So, she got it. The camera did come out and it will be remembered. However, it contributed to the current problem.

#3 turns 8 this year. In our church, 8 is a big deal. It is when our children are baptized. For #1 much thought and preparation went into it. It was a grand event. For #2, it was still grand but a little more last minute. For #3... well we have a date and time set, but we're still working out some of the details. Did I mention it is in 6 days?

I don't know if it is laziness or lack of novelty, but these things just creep up on you. I feel bad. I want each child to have as much grandeur as the older children have, but it just doesn't happen.

That brings up my second recurring thought about parenting. I feel like an amateur. I suspect this is common. There is no real training for parenthood. No study course or planning. You are told how to get one started, you do it, and then you wing it. There are books for various aspects to help you along the way, but these are usually after something has happened and tend to focus on one specific thing. Nothing trains you on how to be a parent.

The good thing is that your children don't know any better. To them, you are the greatest parents in the world (at least until they are teenagers in the "nobody understands me mode". Fortunately, I'm not there yet.) So, there is room for error.

Hmmm, I think I just hit on something. Parenting is sloppy. It involves a lot of guess work. Professionals couldn't get away with this. They train hard and make very little mistakes.

Ouch. Mistakes. I can only hope my children turn out ok.

There is one consolation. My parents were amateurs too... crap. I was going to end with "I turned out all right", but I'm not sure Mom counts as an amateur. She was a teacher and school counselor. She studied psychology. She may have had an edge.

Oh well.